hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
