OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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