Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
