I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
True college students do jello shots in the library
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