I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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