Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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