God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I party with great urgency now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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