This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
