I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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