Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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