when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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