I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
