fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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