you guys were way drunker than both of me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
