Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
