woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
