Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
