smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Found your dick twin last night
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
