I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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