He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's rum buckets o'clock
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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