I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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