When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
