it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
