Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
