Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
