wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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