The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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