how can u be prego again
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sex in the backyard? Check.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
