You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
