btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
