I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
