Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
