I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
