Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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