So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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