I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
did you just send me my own nude
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
