I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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