You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
