No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
