those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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