i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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