My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
