I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
