Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
