Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
