How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
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