I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
