dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
