I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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