I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
