Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Can you bring me the toilet please
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
