last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
