it hurts more in the daytime
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
