Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
